The Guitar C*utiyapa

Why are most of us so obsessed with guitars?

Let me start this analysis with my own little story. I was born and brought up in a dehati area of UP where people don’t give a shit about rock music, where Manoj Tiwari is a superstar. In that part of the country, learning music is considered to be a bizarre thing and is left only to the Brass Band Party artists who play “Aaj Mere Yaar Ki Shadi Hai” in weddings. Hence, I could never ask my father that I wanted to join a Harmonium or Keyboard class because the idea seemed as awkward as being in love with a she-male.

However, back then also, the instrument which I fantasized of  playing was Guitar. But, to my disappointment, There were only Harmonium, Tabla and Dholak classes available in my area. So I had to give up. Thanks to god that I happened to learn it in my last college days, eventually.

So, what’s so special about that? Almost everyone wants to learn how to play guitar. If not learn, then at least, most people want an FB profile picture with a guitar.

That’s exactly what my point is. Why do, when it comes to learning a musical instrument, more than 74.81% of people want to learn only one instrument i.e. Guitar.

In search of the reasons and the truth behind our obsession with guitar, I did some retrospection, the findings are as follows:

  1. Guitars are cool: First things first. It might sound not-so-unusual but the fact is—guitar is a cool instrument. You can carry it anywhere. You can play it even while shitting. And most guitars don’t need amplifiers and that means no need of electric connection. And It is a sexy instrument with curves so it has got potential to attract frustrated single guys. And even a fool thinks he looks cool with a guitar.

   You can sing while playing a guitar which is a luxury not available with most other instruments.

  1. Anything is possible with a Guitar: If you are a guitarist. You can do loads of stylish stuff while playing a guitar and make the chicks go crazy. These stylish things may include making face:
    1. As if you are suffering from constipation

      A guitarist suffering from conspitation.

      A guitarist with  suffering-from-constipation expression.

    2. As if you are urinating on the top of a mountain. Relaxed.

      A guitarist with peeing-on- a- hill-top- expression.

      A guitarist with peeing-on- a- hill-top- expression.

    3. As if you had an electric shock.

      Steve Vai with electric shock expression.

      Steve Vai with electric shock expression.

    4. As if you just shat in your pants.

      Eric Clapton's oops-I-shat -in-my-pants expression.

      Eric Clapton’s oops-I-shat -in-my-pants expression.

    5. Etc.
      Hendrix playing with his tongue.

      Hendrix playing with his tongue.

      The Jimi Hendrix Experience in concert at Olympia, London, Britain

      Hendrix in style

      Van Helen with ants-in -the-underwear expression.

      Van Helen with ants-in -my-pants expression.

Considering the above cool stylish acts, as per my estimates, someday, guitar-playing will evolve so much that Guitarists will literally be able to put the guitars into their own asses while playing and  produce a new kind of sound out of it.

Dude! You cannot do these many things with any other instruments.

Being a below-average guitarist myself in a semi-average band– as per music community’s standards, I could never had an ability for such a privilege because I used to get too nervous and find it hard to pluck the right strings.

But the reality is reality.

  1. Every ass can become a Rock-ass-tar: You can fake playing guitar on stage and include your name into stage performers. I bet. I have tried it many times on stage when I had forgotten the chords. Only some people could really realized it and their no. was quite small, thankfully.
  1. Just carry a guitar bag and you are a GuiTARDists: You can make yourself easily recognizable as a musician in a crowd even if you don’t know shit about guitar, just by carrying it. Thanks to its unique sexy curvy shape.
  1. Every Icon plays Guitar: It does not matter who your favorite actor is and who you think is crap, Guitar is played by more than 69% of the big actors who are icons. Amitabh to Salman. Himesh to Abhay Deol. Even Superstar Rajinikath does it.
Amitabh Bachcan playing Stairway to the Heaven.

Amitabh Bachchan playing Stairway to the Heaven.

M_Id_322961_Shah_Rukh

SRK played only one chord through the whole movie. Seriously!

Abhay-deol

Abhay Deol giving it a second thought.

Himesh going beyond Hendrix.

A guitar committing suicide in Himesh’s hands.

oojaanejaanapyarkiyatod

Salman Khan with a mujhe-bhi-bajana-ata-hai-Brainchor! kind of expression.

rajinikanth-robot-hindi-movie-2010-posters-wallpaper-02

A guitar feeling happy in Anna’s hands.

But the one thing— besides his great acting skills— for which I so much respect Tusshar Kapoor is that he  chose to screw drums and thankfully, spared guitars.

A rare picture of Tussar Kapoor screwing drums.

A rare picture of Tusshar Kapoor screwing drums.

  1. Being a Guitar Chutiya: And last but not at all, least; you can boost the no. of likes you get on your FB profile picture— just get a picture of yourself with a guitar in your hands.

Don’t believe me? Just go to your friends list on FB, you may easily find at least one Chutiya, with a profile picture with a guitar, who can’t even differentiate between  A# and B♭  but you might surely find loads of morons liking that picture

Although, my FB pictures with a guitar didn’t get much likes vis-à-vis my regular DPs. And I thank God for this— for saving me from being a Guitar Chutiya.

So if you are reading this post and wanted to learn how to play guitar, before you make it final, please consider other instruments as well, choose on the basis of the kind of sound you want to play in order to be a part of the whole art i.e. music.

One should consider music as an art not as a style statement. Don’t decide to learn to play guitar just because Ranbir Kapoor played it in Rockstar. Or just because Slash is so cool.

Advertisements

So what do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s